How's it going, Sara?

With one month under my belt and less then 8 weeks until back in the U.S. I thought I would give you all a little update on how I'm feeling..

various instagram photos! 

School: New month, new classes. I finished last month with A's in both my classes, HOORAY! But now my classes (History of Spain's lit and History of Spain) are kind of...blah. The professor is good but has soothing voice that makes me want to sleep, she does know her stuff. I just need to stay focused and get good grades in these classes, too. Though it's kind of hard because I've been bitten with the travel bug so all I want to do is see everything.

Friends: Better...I went to a party last night and it was so fun. It was a bunch of people from school who I knew but didn't before had. We had a very fun time! I've been making a very conscious effort to go to events and meet people and I feel it may start to pay off. I

Riley: Miss him but we skype and text...we're making it work pretty well. I am excited to see him when I go home! He's as supportive as ever, which is nice when I'm stressed and ranting about whatever to him. He's a good guy and I am so lucky to have him.

Family: Miss them too and I may look at my count down every day (as of now I have 44 days until they are in Spain with me!!) I text them lots and call weekly or more (apps we use are Viber and Whatsapp..which are awesome btw if your going abroad for any length of time).

Physically: Besides yesterday morning I have felt good. I felt like tossing my cookies...if you know what I mean...blah! However now I'm feeling much better. I eat pretty healthy and we walk a ton but I stopped running....so this weekend if Im feeling up for it I'm going on a run, seriously I need to. However, I did do something to my back so we will see...oh hot mess Sara.

Food: So much good delicious food all the time. Dinner is my fav because we have a variety of cheeses, bread, chicken or fish and salad. Yum! However, I am a bit sick of ham...so much ham all the time.

Spanish: Improving! Especially after going to Paris I was feeling very good about Spanish. I can communicate with store clerks and in restaurants. My host mom and I have conversations about literature and politics and they are successful conversations. Its a great feeling!

Anxiety: Comes and goes but I have come to realize and be ok with unplanned and crazy times. This has been a great learning experience for me and my anxiety.

Weather: It has been warmer then Minnesota. We average between 35 and 50 degrees (with more towards 50 recently), however it rained the last half of January everyday, which sucked.

Work: I have a little job here and its so fun! Three days a week for an hour I play with Carmen. Carmen is the most adorable little 4 year old girl. Its been so fun helping her practice english. Its also good to get away from home and to make some extra spending money.

Host family: My host mom, Elena, is fabulous. I seriously love her. She is so sweet and just wants to make sure we're happy. Her daughter, Maria, has been living with us too which I don't mind. It makes it more lively. Though its a bit tight in the apartment at times (one bedroom, one bathroom, 4 women), but I've come to realize I don't need a lot of space to be happy. Its more enjoyable to get out and enjoy Madrid (we live in the best and most hipster location, according to me)!

Blogging: I've been feeling a bit blah. I don't know if thats because I feel like I'm posting the same thing or I'm lazy and just want whats in my head to already be on the screen for you all to read...idk, but don't worry I'm not going away...just talking!

Well for now that is all! I hope you all have a great rest of your weekend!

Much love,

Sara

Ramblings

There are those moments in your life when you figure out something huge and possibly even life changing. On our train ride to Salamanca I had one of those moments. I did a little connect the dots between the literature, music and quotes I have been taking to heart. They are all slightly interconnect and I think have helped me put a little focus to my life and time here in Spain.

print found here

Lit: 

Perks of being a wall flower by Stephen Chbosky

Looking for Alaska by John Green

The Odds by Amy Kinzer

Music:
Last Night on Earth album by Noah and the Whale
(especially the songs L.i.f.e.g.o.n.e.s.o.n. and Life is life)

Quotes:
"I've found that if you love life, life will love you back"
"I go to seek the great perhaps"
"Be busy loving every minute of your life"
"Turn your face towards the sun and let your shadows fall behind you"
"Modify your thinking to fit the situation"
"Do small things with great love."
"Always be a little kinder then necessary"

So now after that random assortment of things I've been kind of obsessive about in the past three weeks, it probably doesn't make sense and probably won't make sense to me if I were doing something different with my life right now. So as I sat on the train reading The Odds and listening to Noah and the whale I realized that God had been slowly letting me in on his advice.

I am trying hard (very very very hard) to do what he wants. I know he just wants me to live my life with so much love for everyone and everything. Take this adventure and use it to love unconditionally like God does. Now that may not make perfect sense but I have felt so much love not only from my friends and family as I was first struggling here but also from others: my host mom, from my professors, from the friendly smile from the lady at the metro ticket counter, the list goes on.

So As I sat on the train to Salamanca I realized I cannot be anxious, sad or annoyed, for this experience is so beautiful in every way. I need to love and appreciate everything. 

How I'm feeling

This post has no real content besides if you are curious as to how I'm feeling about being in Madrid, Spain for the next 3 months. So if your curious read on, if not see ya soon friend! 

(The photos below are from the cafe where I wrote this)

School: My professors are inspiring, exciting and want us to learn/speak spanish well. They actually care. These are the type professors I love, passionate. I only have two classes, Literature from 12:45-2:00 and Culture from 2:15-4:00, so overall its pretty short day that sometimes feels long due to the overload of spanish. But I feel like my spanish is improving. So hooray but I do have a long way to go before I feel confident! (Side note: I honestly cannot spell in english or spanish right now...its a problem!)

Friends: This has been very tough for me. I have been spoiled in the last years with friends being there for me and overall amazing. Here I didn't realize how alone I would really be. I have my roommate here and she's great, really really great! But she's no Nugget (a good college friend) or Janana (a good high school friend) or Riley or etc. I've come to accept that I need to be bold and get out to meet new people otherwise I will go crazy! It has gotten better because I've met some people from school but no one I've really connected with. I just need to remember it has only been a week. 

Riley: I miss him, obviously, but he is very supportive and so happy for me. What makes it so hard is that our sleeping/awake hours are so different. I wake up when he's going to bed (that night owl!) and we only communicate when I'm at home after like 12pm my time. But he's amazingly supportive. Gosh, I love that boy! 

Family: I miss them. I cannot wait for them to come here and see what I've been doing and where I've been living and going to school! SO excited! They too are so supportive and helpful. They made this possible for me which I am so grateful. I feel bad when I text or Skype them and complain that I'm sad or lonely or whatever because this is an amazing experience I wouldn't get to do it without them.

Physically: Tired, even though I average 8 hours of sleep. I didn't feel any real jet lag but I think I'm just overwhelmed with all the spanish...it takes a lot out of me. Otherwise I've felt good. I do think I got some mild shinsplints from all my walking which is very embarrassing..haha! But we do walk a TON! I went on a run which is a great anxiety fighter for me so I plan to do more of that. I found a little park close to home that I can run to and around. 

Food: Delicious! Though I am not picky by any means. I've only eaten one 'bad' meal and there will be a post about that later. Elena (the host mama) is a good cook and makes us three meals a day and we've tried many different typical spanish dishes. Overall we eat so much bread, cheese and ham which I didn't expect! 

Spanish: Picking up on some of the local slang and such. I understand and comprehend more but speaking is so hard! I have a feeling it will get easier with practice (duh). Also, coming up with words is hard, there are just so many things I cannot say and talk about because I lack the vocabulary. 

Anxiety: Oh anxious Sara! There have been major moments of panic but I've learn to cope. I breath, do some yoga poses, read a book, go on a walk around the neighborhood, etc. When I stay busy I'm fine but when I sit in our tiny apartment I go crazy and just start thinking and I don't stop! It's awful. Though my panic attacks have become more infrequent with each passing day, which is happy. 

So there it is folks a little recap on how I'm doing/feeling!

Much love,

Sara  

Stuck

I am stuck and uninspired. I don't know what to write here on the blog or what I want posts to look like right now. I have no real 'fun' things going on to blog about so here I am typing this about nada. Though I don't necessarily feel like I need to have 'fun' things here all the time, I'm just kinda blah about everything right now. I feel like I have nothing interesting to say and no one will care (Sara pity party for one)...something I assume other bloggers have felt before?

For me, I think it has to deal with the fact that the new school year started yesterday so truly nothing has happened except for an incident with a curling iron and my face (a burn on my face is a cute look for the first days of class, right?), as well as an outlet and my finger (got electrocuted today...#winning). 

Injuries tend to happen for me when I am stressed or moving through life to quickly. 

So now I am going to try (try being the key word) to slow down....but slowing down is hard when its the second day of school and you already have 5 chapters to read for classes asap, lots of meetings for activities and plain old life trying to fit in. Plus, I'm trying to expand the friend group and meet new people and as much as I am a extrovert...I need my time to just be. I'm an analyzer and need the time to process everything and its been a constant go since I moved in. AH! 

Well thats enough of a ramble for now...haha!

So heres to the new school year and new adventures. Wish me luck friends!

Much love,

Sara

Sometimes I rant...

Sometimes I just need to rant. 
I tend to put on a brave face and pretend everything is peachy but in fact I am a mess much of the time. I am a spaz, a worrier,  an emotional wreck. I can be very crazy, dramatic and can have crazy mood swings. You could probably see me happy and joking most of the time but inside I am exhausted.
I have many walls built up and I haven't figured out why they are there. It seems to odd because I have been very blessed beyond measure. I have amazing relationships with my friends, family and God. However, sometimes I feel that everything is not as perfect as I make it seem. I struggle letting people in and very few people have seen the true raw emotional me and I am tired of being so together all the time (even though most of my together is much of a mess too). I need to let go of my perfectionistic tendencies and chill. 
Its is something I am working on and realizing. I want people to see the me that is be trapped inside. Blah. Sorry for the rant.

P.S. I am not doing this to get sympathy or attention. I am purely trying to examine myself and grow into a better person.