Sometimes I just need to rant.
I tend to put on a brave face and pretend everything is peachy but in fact I am a mess much of the time. I am a spaz, a worrier, an emotional wreck. I can be very crazy, dramatic and can have crazy mood swings. You could probably see me happy and joking most of the time but inside I am exhausted.
I have many walls built up and I haven't figured out why they are there. It seems to odd because I have been very blessed beyond measure. I have amazing relationships with my friends, family and God. However, sometimes I feel that everything is not as perfect as I make it seem. I struggle letting people in and very few people have seen the true raw emotional me and I am tired of being so together all the time (even though most of my together is much of a mess too). I need to let go of my perfectionistic tendencies and chill.
Its is something I am working on and realizing. I want people to see the me that is be trapped inside. Blah. Sorry for the rant.
P.S. I am not doing this to get sympathy or attention. I am purely trying to examine myself and grow into a better person.
Oh honey, everyone feels like that sometimes! Sometimes when I hang out with special people, like my sister, it makes me realize I've put down walls that I didn't know I had put up in the first place. You don't have to hold it all together all the time, and it sure helps to have someone in your life you can totally trust and just be your most basic self around.
ReplyDeleteI'm following you back. Thanks for your email, it is making my day!
--Vivienne